Bye Paw paw
About a week and a half before I was due to leave Sydney for NY, grandma passed away. She was 90… or 88. We’re not quite sure exactly how old she was as she’s changed her birth date numerous times in her life time for one reason or another. She has been sick for a couple of months and I’d like to think that it’s been relatively quick and painless for her. As her body functions began to fail one by one, I knew her mind was still sound. I can’t imagine how frustrating it must’ve been for her, not being able to let people know how to help her. We all try to do as much as we can. The hospital, then the nursing home, were both very good to her and I believed she was treated with good care til her last days. It also allowed me to see a side of my grandpa that I’ve not seen before, the gentle side. He handled it very well. I guess he’s been prepared for it.
I cried the day she died when we saw the body at the nursing home. I cried at the funeral. I cried the morning of the funeral, when I was getting ready. And I’m crying now. I don’t know if I’m dealing with this the best I can, but I don’t really know how to act, or where my reactions are coming from. When people give me their condolences, I just say thank you like they have just said thanks for lending me your DVD and I’m saying you’re welcome. It was so… insignificant a reaction. It feels so foreign, the condolences. Not saying ppl are not being sincere, but it just feels like they shouldn’t be saying it to me cos grandma haven’t passed away…
I don’t know…
But I know I’m glad I was there for it. To say my goodbye. And before that, to talk to her and let her know I’m getting married. To let her know how happy I am. She was so happy to hear to that
And I just learnt that grandpa will be moving into an aged care hostel next week. He’s still able to take care of himself so he doesn’t need a nursing home. But the house must’ve become too much of a burden to him, and now with grandma gone, there’s no point for him to stay in that house all by himself anymore.
Mum said the place is pretty decent. And the most important is that grandpa likes it and he himself wanted to move into it.
Sometimes I wonder what’s really going on in grandpa’s head, how do you cope with losing someone you’ve spent over 60 years with?
If I miss her so much, how much would grandpa miss her?
I cried the day she died when we saw the body at the nursing home. I cried at the funeral. I cried the morning of the funeral, when I was getting ready. And I’m crying now. I don’t know if I’m dealing with this the best I can, but I don’t really know how to act, or where my reactions are coming from. When people give me their condolences, I just say thank you like they have just said thanks for lending me your DVD and I’m saying you’re welcome. It was so… insignificant a reaction. It feels so foreign, the condolences. Not saying ppl are not being sincere, but it just feels like they shouldn’t be saying it to me cos grandma haven’t passed away…
I don’t know…
But I know I’m glad I was there for it. To say my goodbye. And before that, to talk to her and let her know I’m getting married. To let her know how happy I am. She was so happy to hear to that
And I just learnt that grandpa will be moving into an aged care hostel next week. He’s still able to take care of himself so he doesn’t need a nursing home. But the house must’ve become too much of a burden to him, and now with grandma gone, there’s no point for him to stay in that house all by himself anymore.
Mum said the place is pretty decent. And the most important is that grandpa likes it and he himself wanted to move into it.
Sometimes I wonder what’s really going on in grandpa’s head, how do you cope with losing someone you’ve spent over 60 years with?
If I miss her so much, how much would grandpa miss her?
posted by S-n-O-o-P-y at 7:17 PM
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