Disappointing... Disappointed

I stuffed up majorly last night. Due to my own bad mood I made Cel mad, which is just very poor form from my part. I hope she can forgive me.
And so begin a new year and I’m still so emotional. So easily be messed up. In hindsight I wonder would it really have been so hard to stay at the party and pretend to be happy for only another two hours…
To be honest I really don’t like the whole new years eve/new years thing. Too much expectation for it to be fantastic. To me, it’s really no big deal whether I’m at a massive party or at home and going to bed early. It always quite an effort for me to really relax and enjoy myself at NYE parties. Maybe I just don’t have that party gene in me.
I think its much more important to have fun during the year and not force it.
I hope you’d understand Cel and please forgive me for disappointing you.
As for the other ppl, I think its time for me to wash my hands of them. When something isn’t there anymore, there’s no point pretending it is if it is so upsetting to be disappointed time and time again.

Quarter life

Do I look a day over 25? I sure hell don’t feel 5 days older than 25….

25 is…. old…. mature… more responsibilities …. no excess on car insurance… quarter life crisis..

Quarter life crisis, to me, is the “what am I doing with my life?” crisis, as opposed to the mid life crisis of “what have I done with my life?”
I am definitely feeling that. I know that I’m nowhere near “there” in the journey of life, but I thought I’d be somewhere. Somewhere that’s stable. Stability is a big thing for me, I don’t like change, mainly cos I don’t like the thought of something new that I’m not good at. Yes I know, it takes time, it’s the journey not the destination blah blah blah. Well I still don’t like it. Sure I DO get the satisfaction when I DO get good at something and am usually quite proud of myself for sticking with things and getting better at it, but the thought of having to start something new is the daunting part for me.

So now, at 25, the biggest part of “what am I doing with my life?” is referring to a job/career. Having fucked around with mortgages for 18 months, now I’m in credit insurance which is something I am starting to get interested in. Too bad I can’t stick with it.

As for other parts of life, well that ain’t going too bad- got a few great friends (which is all you need really- not quantity but quality), family is doing great, got myself a man (yay for me). So I really shouldn’t complain =)

With only 2 months left before I leave for New York, I have to start preparing myself for this new, and unexpected, chapter of the quarter of my life

The Great Barrier Reef

Michele and I took a week off over the Christmas New Year and went north to the Top End… is that Cairns, or Darwin..? Anyways, we went to Cairns and Port Douglas. The prime attraction there is of course the Great Barrier Reef. We spent one day in the Outer Reef, where the true beauty of the ocean is. Sure, we’ve all seen the photos, and docos and whatever else that shows us the gorgeous reef, with all its colourful corals, thousands of species of marine life, clear green and blue water, but its not until you’re out there, in the water and snorkelling/diving that you realise how amazing it really is. It was rather surreal, seeing everything for myself rather than through the TV screen or books.

We went along with a boat company that takes about 50 ppl just like us. Well maybe not just like us cos about half of the passengers on the boat were certified divers. We joined it for the intro dive, for ppl who’ve never dived before (that’s me!) or have only done it a few times. We stopped at 3 sites, and at each you can either dive or snorkel. Well Michele and I thought its prolly best to get the diving out of the way first. He did, I didn’t. Turns out, I do fear something (ok ok I fear a lot of things, the dark, scary movies, frogs etc but never thought I’d be scared of these sorts of adventures type thing). It was quite unsettling for me to try breath with the oxygen tank under water. I just panicked a bit and started to hold my breath- which is a big no no cos, well, we need air. So I chickened out and got my dive money back. But, I snorkelled and it was very good too. We got to see all the corals in details, all sorts of very colourful fish, and thanks to one of the crew who is a marine biologist, I also got to touch a starfish, one that is just like, or maybe, is a sea cucumber. It’s a species of starfish that doesn’t have any arms, so it just looks like a slug. When I said “thanks to the marine biologist”, its because if it weren’t for him being around, we were not allowed to touch any thing- the corals, the fish, nothing! I think it’s the least we humans can do to respect the superb natural habitat of the reef.

So I went on to snorkel like a fish at all three sites and each time still equally amazed at how beautiful everything is.

Another serving of decision making anyone?

I can’t believe I didn’t mention this, but I’m leaving on 1st March next year to head on a three week holiday before landing in New York and start my new life. I guess I’ve told individual ppl about the earlier departure date, but its actually been hard to tell ppl. Sure, leaving on March 1 rather than April 1 makes sense on several fronts- the way things are with work, the visa, Michele’s work in NY etc. But it is still difficult.

Now that the plane tickets have been bought, its finalised. I’ll just have to start preparing myself mentally for it.

Actually, this morning in our fortnightly team meeting, the head of our department (my manager’s manager) casually mentioned that she might like to extend my contract for another month, which will bring it to 25th Feb. The reason being that one of the girls on our team has been sick lately and been taking a bit of time off, so Mary thought it might be good for her to take a full month’s medical leave and get some intensive treatment so she can get herself fixed up once and for all. This will mean that we are going to be a team member down during our busiest period.

I don’t know if I’d want to extend and leave myself barely anytime to get ready for the move to NY… and I don’t think I’m going to think about it until Mary actually makes me that offer. On some level, I don’t actually want Mary to offer, cos I don’t want to have to make another decision. I think I’ve had to make more life changing decisions in the last coupla months than I’ve had to in all my life!! Is that what they call “growing up”?

A sheep has been shorn, BY ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last weekend, I went to Wagga. Yes yes, I know I know. Why would you?!
It was actually a lot better than I thought. Very interesting

The reason we went was cos Dom and Afton are from Wagga and since they are leaving to go traveling for a year in about 2 weeks, they went back to Wagga to say bye to families and get a few things sorted before they go. So, Michele, Carolyn and I all tagged along since none of us have been to Wagga.

Wagga is actually a much bigger town than I thought. Afton’s dad owns a farm, with grains and wool as their main businesses. That is where I sheered a sheep.
Afton’s dad was kind enough to show us how a sheep is shorn. And lucky for us, there are a few lambs that were born late so they weren’t shorn with the rest of the mob. He did most of the difficult parts, which is the underbelly and the legs. When he got to the lamb’s back (the long blow?) he let us have a go. We each did a few strokes and everyone was afraid to get to close cos we didn’t wanna hurt the little lamb. So the lamb ended up with a pretty shocking haircut and will prolly be picked on by the other lambs.

We also went around some other parts of the farm and Afton was explaining how things function.

Aside from the highlight of getting to sheer a sheep, we also went around town with Dom being the tour guide. He actually knew quite a lot about the town, and told us the kinda stuff he did when he was a kid. I thought it was great to know so much about where you grew up. Its something I don’t have

We were staying at Dom’s parents place, which is a gorgeous big house (prolly better to call it a homestead). Considering how I get not so comfortable at other ppl’s places, I felt very at home here. His parents showed fantastic hospitality and the weekend was basically a all round feast. They, being Italian, there was no way they could even run out of food!!

It was all in all a great weekend away. I’m sure I’ll think of something else worth noting the next few days

http://www.caroetfrancois.be/VideoWagga.htm

i don't know what to call this one

how quickly do i fall off the wagon? i think this blog is going to be spurts of writing and many big gaps in between

i tend not to write if things are bothering me. which seems silly cos the whole point of this blog, at least according to me, is to let me get stuff off my mind and onto the world wide web. but i actually tend not to wanna write when things are bothering me cos i dont wanna drone on and on about it

the question in mind at the moment, is the $350 i owe the tax office. ok, i have no problem with the concept of tax. what i have a problem with is fucked up accountants who can't work out how to pay their company's employees and how to withhold the correct amount of tax when the employee has pretty much the simpliest tax structure. so now, i owe the tax office $350 3 weeks before christmas

but i've decided i wont dispute this cos its actually really upsetting me to deal with it. it just upsets me that little bit more than throwing away $350.

another question in mind is, to go or not to go, earlier? but that's something for next time.

i'll be back in oh... say about another 3 weeks? =)